Sunday, March 27, 2016

The Inner Dialogue of a BMM II... Walking the Dog

Part II in the series:

Home from another long ass day tap dancing for massa. Ya, it's a #firstworldproblem, but shit man, a enough drops of water causes a flood.

***

Time to take the dogs out.

Feels nice out. Perfect day to be out walking the dog. Not too cold, just right for these pampered dogs. In my next life I'm coming back as one of my dogs. Yup, gourmet meals every day, personal gym, prime sleeping location, and all I've got to do is not piss and shit on the floor and then bark at strangers coming to the front door. Easy peasy.

***

Man, don't let your kid just run up to my dogs. I know they won't bite, but who do you think is going to have the cops coming to my house ready to kill my "pitbulls" saying they were off-leash and mauled your kid?

***

Ha. ha. ha. Ya, go ahead and cross the street from a block away. Trying to make it look like you were actually trying to walk on the unplowed side of the road. Is it cause of my two "ferocious" dogs? One that's afraid of the wind and the other that's afraid of skateboards? Or is it cause I don't "belong" in a neighbourhood that I've lived in my whole life? Or is it a combo of the two and I make you think of Michael Vick?

***

Life is funny. On the flip side I just had the oldest, most Whitest, Ronald Reagan/Donald Trump/Stephen Harper-loving White lady saunter right up to me and tell me the first dog she had was a boxer that survived the bombings in England in WWII.

***

Damn dog. Go pee!

Friday, March 25, 2016

The Inner Dialogue of a Black Millennial Male (BMM)

I've decided to start a new series on my blog. I've lost sight of how much I enjoy the craft of writing and the feedback (both positive and negative - a lot of negative, but it is what it is) that comes with it.

Here goes:

The Inner Dialogue of a Black Millennial Male: Getting Ready for Work (the 9-5 office life)

Sunday night:

Shit man, time to pull out that ironing board and starch and make sure I've got my Monday to Thursday button-ups prim and proper. Did I wear the blue with black one a couple weeks ago? Or was that three weeks ago? I don't want people thinking I recycle outfits. I'll just buy one at lunch on Tuesday. Just can't be too expensive looking.

Monday morning:

Dammit. My double windsor is off and I don't have time to fix it before my meeting. I can't stand when these bosses look at me funny when I'm wearing a tie, look at me funny when I'm not wearing one, or throw out a passive aggressive compliment when it looks "too" nice.

Tuesday:

I've got that big presentation in front of the whole office. Do I take out my diamond studs? Nope, they aren't big and "blingy." How do I wear my dreads? Pull them back in a pony tail? Let them flow freely? Shit. Women say that men are always staring at their breasts in conversations, but 9 times out of 10 folks are staring at my dreads.

Wednesday:

Time to break out that nice new blazer. Or should I? Does it look "too" nice that it looks like I'm trying to make a statement? It's nice, it's work appropriate, so why do I feel like I'm being judged about my paycheque and whether I "fit in" when I wear something that doesn't come from Mark's Work Wearhouse?

Thursday (walking to work):

I really need to stop wearing pants that fit. Folks just always staring at my crotch wondering if the myth is true.

I should just put on a pair of yoga pants like all the other women (and some men).

Friday:

I hate dress-down Fridays. This anxiety builds up in me every facking Friday. Jeans? N'ah, they'll think I'm young. Jordans? N'ah, too Black. Chucks? N'ah, too Millennial. Polo? Never, they're gonna see my tattoos and chains and think that their co-worker is actually a Negro. Monday to Thursday button-up? N'ah, they''ll think I'm not a part of the team.

I'll just call in sick. Again.

Akothee ft Flavour - Give It To Me [Official Music Video]