I've decided to declare March Human Race Month, or HRM for short. Celebrate the history, culture, food, religion, society, politics, sports, dress, language, mannerisms, and bowel movements of the human race. This is a race-based initiative, and we will discriminate and exclude all those who do not belong to our race. This is our month, I don't want to be hearing those damn dolphins, pandas, koalas, lions and extra-terrestrials complaining and asking why they can't be included and why we can't talk about their struggle with patriarchy in the animal kingdom. They have PETA, WWF, and Area 51 championing their cause for the other 11 months of the year. We only get one damn frigging month to celebrate our humanness. One month a year that I can be proud to be human. One month a year that I can be who I really am and learn about, and be around, other humans. One month a year when a little human girl, can sit next to a little human boy, and will not be judged by the number of their Facebook friends or confusing "its" for "it's" on their tweets, but by the colour of their human blood. One month that I can remove the cloak of oppression, TMZ, Linsanity, and CNN, and say "gosh darn-it, I'm human and I'm proud!"
This plea has been brought to you by a human.