Wednesday, August 10, 2016

How (not) to be an Ally

This whole thing about being an ally to BBI folks (Black, Brown, and Indigenous) is complete and utter bullshit.

Why?

An ally in 1939: dying on the battle fields fighting for another country.

An ally in 2016: retweeting #somecauseyoudontknowshitaboutbutfeelobligatedtoretweetsoyoudontgetsocialmediashamed

Unless you are invested (emotionally, physically, psychologically, everythingally) in a cause, you can never be a true ally.

Basically what I'm saying is: unless you were born/identified in that (insert name of marginalized community) group, you can't be a part of it.

So, if I can't be an ally, what can I be, Dr. Taylor?

Be a doorman (or doorwoman or doorperson).

Unlock the door, and hold it open so that we can get access to all those goodies you've built off our backs. We don't need you to speak, don't need you to do anything but shut up, keep quiet, and let us do our thing.

Shit ain't complicated.

But hey, if you still want to be an ally, there are plenty of police bullets (and fists) that you can take for us if you really want to be an OG circa 1939 "ally."


Monday, August 8, 2016

How to Increase Canada's Medal Haul at the Olympics

Hire Russian coaches.

I kid.

In all seriousness, we've got to change our mentality towards winning and losing for kids.

A wise man once said: "If you're not first, you're last."

All this BS about participation ribbons and no winners and losers, creates mediocrity. Personally, I applaud the fact that these Olympians we have now survived a full schooling of "kids that can't lose" and still have the killer instinct to win on the big stage.

Go Canada Go.

Sunday, August 7, 2016

How to get free gas

True story:

Look like an athlete that about 99 per cent of Canadians know absolutely nothing about. However, he's one of the biggest/famous athletes in his sport.

Go to pay for said gas, then have the attendant say you look like X athlete, and then proceeds to take selfies with you.

Get in car.

Drive off.

Free gas.

How to fix the Olympics (and not just #Rio2016)

We see a lot of humbugging about the Olympics:

Dead bodies in the water. Zika (which is in Florida btw). Cost too much. Police robbing people. Russians doing "drugs." The list goes on and on.

The one "problem" I think they can fix is the cost.

How?

With one simple solution:

Have cities host the Games consecutively.

It's a hell of a lot of money to put on a 2 week sporting event. People complain that the new facilities never get used, it's a rush, it's a waste, blah blah blah. Now you have even more complaints that it costs so much that no one wants to host.

So why not have Rio host 2016 and 2020. If you run a deficit in one Olympics, the facilities are only 4 years old, and you still have everything there ready to go to just plug and play for the next one. Iron out all the kinks, et voila. Sponsors are still there, athletes are still there, and more money is to be made.

It ain't rocket science. Mind you, the #IOC is questionable in their decision making, so who knows.

Don't you think people would've been happier if Vancouver hosted 2010 and 2014 over Sochi?

Monday, August 1, 2016

How to fix Caribana

Every year you hear people grumbling about Caribana. Without fail.

Fence too high. Fence too low. Too many police. Not enough police. Sun too hot. Music too loud. Port-a-potty too stinky. The list goes on and on.

But the biggest complaint?

The "stormers": the people that don't pay to be in a band and then slow down the parade for the participants and the spectators.

‎I'm going to be real for a second. This ain't about a fix, cause nothing ain't broken. 

And this shit ain't complicated. 

Do what was working before and add ropes. 

I'm no rocket scientist, but if you have the same number of people attending a parade (1 million+) but shorten the parade route down the Lakeshore, don't you think more people are going to converge in a much smaller spot and ruin the experience. 

Keep the parade moving down the road. Go through the Ex and do the judging, but don't shut the route off so early. The road is closed, so why stop the parade? You let it flow, there is more space, and one million people aren't trying to jump up behind one 18 wheeler truck. ‎

Add ropes. Barbados does it for Kadooment. It works. Cost peanuts to buy rope from Dollarama. All paying folks playing mas stay in the ropes behind the truck, and the "stormers" still get to flow with the band, but they don't interfere (and attempt to dance off key) with the ladies in the band. And yes, it's only the ladies they harrass. 

Simple stuff man. Simple. And it's been done. And it works. ‎