Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Where (When) I'd Go in a Time Machine

It's been recently proven that driving a DeLorean won't actually take anyone back to the future.  But, all is not lost.  There is currently at least one scientist out there in the world trying to dispute this fact and is about to launch an eco-friendly time traveling device in the near future.  It even seats two.

On that note, I've thought of dates I'd like to go once I've signed up for my ride(s) in the Time Box.


To beat Zuckerberg up and claim Facebook as my own.


To watch the Atlanta 100m final.


Marry Patricia Lynn Mallette


To tell Ben Johnson to come second in the 100m final.  At the end of the day 9.79 doesn't mean much of anything anymore.


You ever heard of that expression, "You behave like you made yourself?"  Enough said.

Early 1970s:

Buy a lifetime supply of gas.

Early 1970s:

Buy shares in any oil company.


Hit James Earl Ray with a big rock.


Tell Malcolm X to stay home.


Stop the US from dropping those bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.  Taking an innocent life doesn't save an innocent one.


Stop the Berlin Conference by showing Europeans that wanted colonization leads to unwanted immigration a couple centuries later (I'm looking directly at you France and Britain).

Early 1860s:

Fight in the US Civil War.


On a plantation in Barbados to celebrate Emancipation.  Then teach Freed Blacks how to read and write and buy beach front real estate.


Fight in the Haitian Revolution, then fly in my combat helicopter from island to island, slave colony to slave colony, spreading revolution.  Then I'd put an embargo on Europe and see how they like being underdeveloped for the rest of eternity.


Tell France to keep Guadeloupe instead of Canada.  It'll pay off in the long run for Acadians and Quebecois.


Edit the King James version of the Bible.  Throw in some real life prophesies like the world will not come to an end on May 21st, 2011.

15th Century:

Tell the Portuguese that oil will be worth more than African Slaves.


Videotape the Crusades then post them on youtube.

Year 30:

Create Christopherism.


  1. Why the Crusades?... I find that one interesting.

  2. Cara's a scientist?
    Better book my seat in the time machine NOW! I'd go back to pre-history to meet some dinosaurs.

  3. Crusades to show people in this day and age that fighting a war over religion makes absolutely no sense. Killing is killing.