Monday, February 13, 2012

My Ode to Valentine's Day

'Twas the night before Valentine's Day, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

The paper hearts were hung by the bed posts with care,
In hopes that St. Valentine soon would be there;

The girls were nestled snug in their beds,
While visions of Beckham and Pitt danced in their heads;

And mamma in her snuggie, and I in my porn,
Had just settled down for a long cosmic horn,

When down from the yard arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the stairs I flew like a flash,
Hoping my pinky toe wouldn't get mash.

The moon on the breast of the brown-coloured snow,
Gave the lustre of rust to objects below,
 When, what to my bloodshot eyes should appear,
But a rasshole baby, with a big ass spear.

With the little old fart, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment he must be a prick.

More rapid than SARS his courses they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them hoes by name;

"Now, Pookie! now, Buffy! now, Ginger and Vixen!
On, Chardonnay! on Mercedes! on, Ginger and Blitzen!"

Happy Valentine's Day!
This ode is dedicated to all those poor boyfriends/husbands/baby daddys/FWB that just went out to Peoples and spent their paycheque trying to impress their lady friends for a made up corporate holiday.  Sucks to be you.  Good thing St. Patrick's Day is next month so you can drink some sense back into you.


  1. LOL Cosmic horn.
    Didn't know you were a poet!

    1. I stumbled upon this blog (trying to find when Baluchi peoples arrived in East Africa). I wanted you to know it is a good read and you should keep writing.
      You are more diplomatic, i simply hate the day.