Sunday, June 17, 2012

The Chronicles of Queen Rhodesia: June 1st, 2012 - Doggie Style Prostitution

DogMan finally bought me that iPad I asked for about 10 dog years ago.  I wanted a laptop, then I realized it would be kinda hard to type considering I don't have any bionic thumps (thanks again, DogMan), so the touch screen was the way to go.

I did a little bit of googling.  Took a nap.  Googled some more.  Sniffed my privates.  Googled some more.  Licked my privates.  And then googled some more.  After all that, outside of playing Angry Birds, I realized the internet is just one giant human porno shop.

Then when I thought all hope was lost, I stumbled on a Doggie Dating site.

At first I thought it was pretty cool.  Even without a uterus, I would still get a chance to get wined and dined by some of the neighbourhood dog eunuchs.   At least I wouldn't have to worry about giving it up on the first date.

Then I thought, wait a second, who is controlling the site?  I'm not the one putting up my profile.  It would be DogMan!  I know prostitution is legal, but still, this is pretty well sex slavery.  At least prostitutes get paid some kind of money, I just get the same damn stale-ass kibble day in and day out.  Does that seem fair to you?

Does it seem fair that humans are selling off their dogs for money?  When's the last time I asked DogMan for a friend?  When's the last time I said "hey DogMan, I'm a bitch, and I'd really like you to find me a partner that can reaffirm my bitch status.  Well really, I'm only half a bitch, cause you ripped out my uterus so you can hear me tell you this"?

To make it worse, you're gonna put that photo up of me that I absolutely hate.  You know the one I'm talking about, DogMan.  The one where you've got me salivating for a damn french fry that you've taped to the top of my head and that I couldn't shake off to eat for nothing.  BASTARD.

Don't worry, now that I have my iPad, I'm gonna start taking photos of you when you're shaving your legs and post them all over my new twitter account.  Tweet that, DogMan.


  1. How did 208 people think it was a good idea to pimp their dogs out?
    *rolling my eyes*

    Notice that, like many 'dating' sites, there are more man dogs than female dogs. No surprise!