Sunday, June 17, 2012

The Chronicles of Queen Rhodesia: June 1st, 2012 - Doggie Style Prostitution

DogMan finally bought me that iPad I asked for about 10 dog years ago.  I wanted a laptop, then I realized it would be kinda hard to type considering I don't have any bionic thumps (thanks again, DogMan), so the touch screen was the way to go.

I did a little bit of googling.  Took a nap.  Googled some more.  Sniffed my privates.  Googled some more.  Licked my privates.  And then googled some more.  After all that, outside of playing Angry Birds, I realized the internet is just one giant human porno shop.

Then when I thought all hope was lost, I stumbled on a Doggie Dating site.

At first I thought it was pretty cool.  Even without a uterus, I would still get a chance to get wined and dined by some of the neighbourhood dog eunuchs.   At least I wouldn't have to worry about giving it up on the first date.

Then I thought, wait a second, who is controlling the site?  I'm not the one putting up my profile.  It would be DogMan!  I know prostitution is legal, but still, this is pretty well sex slavery.  At least prostitutes get paid some kind of money, I just get the same damn stale-ass kibble day in and day out.  Does that seem fair to you?

Does it seem fair that humans are selling off their dogs for money?  When's the last time I asked DogMan for a friend?  When's the last time I said "hey DogMan, I'm a bitch, and I'd really like you to find me a partner that can reaffirm my bitch status.  Well really, I'm only half a bitch, cause you ripped out my uterus so you can hear me tell you this"?

To make it worse, you're gonna put that photo up of me that I absolutely hate.  You know the one I'm talking about, DogMan.  The one where you've got me salivating for a damn french fry that you've taped to the top of my head and that I couldn't shake off to eat for nothing.  BASTARD.

Don't worry, now that I have my iPad, I'm gonna start taking photos of you when you're shaving your legs and post them all over my new twitter account.  Tweet that, DogMan.

2 comments:

  1. How did 208 people think it was a good idea to pimp their dogs out?
    *rolling my eyes*

    Notice that, like many 'dating' sites, there are more man dogs than female dogs. No surprise!

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