Well, now that one of the worst kept secrets has come out about Lance Armstrong being a "fraud" and having "no place in cycling", I think it's time for me to have a list of my biggest cheats in sports. And for the record, I don't believe Armstrong is such a terrible person - the man raised over $500 million dollars for cancer research. What good has Gretzky or Jordan done for humanity? Exactly.
Gary Bettman:
NHL lockout anyone?
Carl Lewis:
If you watched the 9.79 documentary about the 1988 Olympic 100m final (one of the best documentaries ever made in my opinion), you'd realize that Carl Lewis is the biggest ass - and cheat - in sports. Andre Jackson, anyone? Oh, and I think Carl is lying about his sexuality too. I've got keyhole vision when it comes to these things.
John Calipari:
He's the University of Kentucky men's basketball coach. Ask him how many of his players actually graduate every year.
Italian Football Fans:
Damn racist xenophobes. One of your best players is a Black immigrant. Get over it. (Feel free to add a caption to this photo.)
Every single East German Olympic Athlete:
I think this one is self-explanatory. But if it isn't, the reason why Heidi is now Andreas is because East Germany pumped her full of testosterone that it turned her into a man. (That's the Christopher-esque explanation for it. Drugs had the opposite effect on Carl Lewis. See the YouTube video.)
MLSE:
All your teams suck. What else? They keep on getting worse every year. What else? You're one of the richest conglomerates in all sports.
NFL:
Outside of the combat sports (boxing, mma, K1, etc.), I'm not sure how many other sports you are trained and encouraged to kill another human being. I don't blame the players, I blame the NFL. They say they're all about "player safety" and fine people for "dangerous" hits, but check it, that's like putting a filter on a cigarette and encouraging 10 year olds to take up smoking. The NFL's solution? Putting kevlar in helmets. Screw tackling, let's just shoot these SOBs. Go HAM cause YOLO!
Gary Bettman:
NHL lockout anyone?
Carl Lewis:
If you watched the 9.79 documentary about the 1988 Olympic 100m final (one of the best documentaries ever made in my opinion), you'd realize that Carl Lewis is the biggest ass - and cheat - in sports. Andre Jackson, anyone? Oh, and I think Carl is lying about his sexuality too. I've got keyhole vision when it comes to these things.
John Calipari:
He's the University of Kentucky men's basketball coach. Ask him how many of his players actually graduate every year.
Italian Football Fans:
Damn racist xenophobes. One of your best players is a Black immigrant. Get over it. (Feel free to add a caption to this photo.)
Every single East German Olympic Athlete:
I think this one is self-explanatory. But if it isn't, the reason why Heidi is now Andreas is because East Germany pumped her full of testosterone that it turned her into a man. (That's the Christopher-esque explanation for it. Drugs had the opposite effect on Carl Lewis. See the YouTube video.)
MLSE:
All your teams suck. What else? They keep on getting worse every year. What else? You're one of the richest conglomerates in all sports.
NFL:
Outside of the combat sports (boxing, mma, K1, etc.), I'm not sure how many other sports you are trained and encouraged to kill another human being. I don't blame the players, I blame the NFL. They say they're all about "player safety" and fine people for "dangerous" hits, but check it, that's like putting a filter on a cigarette and encouraging 10 year olds to take up smoking. The NFL's solution? Putting kevlar in helmets. Screw tackling, let's just shoot these SOBs. Go HAM cause YOLO!
Comments
Post a Comment