Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Will Tiger Woods Ever Learn? Black People Don't Ski

Dude.  Tiger.  Dude!  What are you doing?

Ok, so for those who care about these kind of things, Tiger Woods is now dating Olympic skier Lindsey Vonn.  If you need proof, here's the photo for a Voods Christmas, 2013:


Most (Black) people would get on Tiger for dating another White woman.  Well if not White, a blonde, blue-eyed, Vikingette that kinda looks (exactly) like his gazillion dollar alimony ex-wife (least he won't have to explain to his kids why mommy is no longer White a la Vivian from the Fresh Prince in reverse).


(Sidenote: is it just me, or has Tiger Woods been drinking from the same Benjamin Button/Jamie Foxx fountain?  Or the PGA should test his hats for deer antler residue.)

I'm not hating on Tiger for dating another White woman.  He's rich.  Date whomever or whatever the hell you feel like.  If I had people like Charlie Sheen trying to drink my blood, then I'd get my YOLO on and not worry about what the barbershop and hair salons say about my Nordic fetish.

(Shoot those same haters would be on his case if Tiger showed up at the BET Hip Hop Awards with Alek Wek.)

Mind you, Mrs. Ex-Caracal DuBois (a caracal is a cool ass cat.  Get it?  "Cat of the woods."  Get it?), is now supposedly dating a billionaire, so Tiger had to step up his game and go where no Black man has gone before (we already went to Deep Space Nine):

Skiing.

Ok, Tiger.  So you Blackened golf.  I'll give you props for that.  No longer do we have to carry the heavy ass bags for shitty White golfers.  Even Condoleezza "Republicans Freed The Slaves" Rice rode the Woods wave all the way to Augusta.

But dude.  Dude.  Dude!  Skiing?  Hell no.

I'm one of those people that firmly believe that if parents and coaches steered 50% of Black kids away from basketball and football (because they are "Black" sports) and into hockey, Evander Kane and the Subbans would be the rule and not the exception.

So no I don't see anything fundamentally (or racially) wrong with skiing.  But, and it's a big but, when is the last time you saw this on a golf course?

The golf equivalent to downhill skiing is like playing in a lightning storm.  In a hurricane.  In shark infested water.  All while you've got a nosebleed because you are playing on top of Mount Kill-A-Man-Jaro.

Yes, we all know this relationship could be a ploy for Rolex to roll out its next line of "ski/golf" watches.

But Tiger, my advice to you:

Date LeBron James and get a dog.  Nike would love you forever.  And y'all could wear matching red outfits.

7 comments:

  1. Lightning, hurricane, sharks, and altitude sickness. Damn. LoL

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  2. I thought the lady in the photo was the ex-caracal. I didnt realise that its the new girl! Lol

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