Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Oscar Mayer Weiner

I've been Weinered.

What is wrong with the world today when Anthony Weiner's supposed twittered wiener/weiner (still not sure what the correct spelling is for that one) is top news story on CNN and around the world?

Here's a photo of what the big controversy is all about:

I had second thoughts about posting this photo on my blog for a few reasons.  For one, who knows if that's the real Weiner.  For two, why would I post a photo of another man's boxer briefs and silhouette of his genitals on my blog.  But since I'm trying to get some real credibility on my blog, I decided to post what's current in the news today.  Yes folks, I am now worthy of being a CNN journalist.  YES!

I'm like the kid in this ad:

I don't really care what grown men and women do with their own private lives, behind closed doors, on facebook or on twitter.  I'm sticking to the Trudeau mantra on this one.

And to be honest, I don't really care about this story.  It's not the first - nor the last - time a US politician has put his penis in his mouth (I was going to use "foot in mouth" but that sums up all these scandals much better). 

It's almost like that's a prerequisite to be a politician or famous in US or Western society.  Either have a sex tape, cheat on your wife with a woman or man (whichever you prefer), post your genitals online, beg for sex in public washrooms (a la Larry Craig), have an illegitimate child from the help (a la Ahh-nold), or pretty much just be a dirty old man (Clinton, Bush, Kennedy, and pretty much any and all French or Italian leaders.)

I've been doing it all wrong on my road to success.  All wrong.  And for that I'm very disappointed that the best years of my life have been marked by futility. 

Doing well in school, being a good and moral human being, dotting my 'Is' and crossing my 'Ts', networking, joining social and professional clubs, seeing the world, and well, living the good life and working hard is not the road to prosperity and success.

Yes, my friends, I have found the Fountain of Youth.  The Holy Grail.  The meaning of life.  I have found it with the help and guidance of the one that sees all and knows all.  The maker and taker of life.  Nope, not God, but CNN.

Buy yourself a pair of pervert grey Fruit of the Loom boxer briefs (preferably the ones that won't ride up).  Next insert a cucumber on a 45 degree angle (this advice is both male, female, and gender non-specified appropriate).  Finally take a photo using your smartphone and post it all over the internet.

Maybe that crazy old dude was right about the Rapture.  The world did come to an end on May 21st.


  1. W-i-e-n-e-r. Originally it was the specific kind of sausage that came from Vienna, which in Austrian is Wien.