Friday, August 26, 2011

Screw My PhD

***Rant Warning***

This is a perfect follow-up to my last post on my possible non-PhD occupations.  This may be old news to some, but I was just made aware of it.  It has to do with a real life umpa lumpa (without Charlie) getting paid $32,000 to speak at Rutgers University.  Yes, I said Rutgers.  I didn't say the University of Fabutan or DeVry, but Rutgers.  Ya, Rutgers ain't Princeton, but it's still a reputable university.

Prof Snooks

I'm not even going to ask why Snooki of Jersey Shore fame was invited to speak at Rutgers Inc.  Or that she was paid more money than Toni Morrison  We all know it has to do about money, publicity, and notoriety.  I'm not a fool to think that.  Nor, am I going to debate the Jersey Shore show or the fact that they make $100,000 per episode (13 episodes in a season, you do the math).

I'm just saying that I'm doing it all wrong.  I could publish 32 books as Dr. Taylor, spend 32 years in academia and Rutgers would probably give me about $32.00 to speak in front of about 32 students that are getting marked for attendance.  Yes, 32 dollars.  Don't let the decimal point play tricks with your eyes.

The good news for me is that I go to THE University of Western Ontario.  UWO is ranked in Playboy's top 10 party schools in the US (yes, UWO is so partylific that it made it on a US ranking.  And it's ranked numero #4).

There is still hope for my $32,000 a speech quest. 

First, I need to finish my PhD so I can have some kind of credibility and so that I can have an "interesting fact" on my IMDB page.  "Did you know The Doctor is actually a doctor?"

Second, I need to forgo my African Gym mentality and start doing some curls for the girls in the gym.  Add in some glorified grunts when I'm benching.

Third, I need to cut my locks and get myself a jheri curl a la Eriq La Salle from Coming to America.

Fourth, I need to fly to Regina and adopt myself a White baby (all famous people have inter-racial adoptions.  Duh.)

Fifth, I need to adopt four more White babies.

Sixth, I need a sex tape with Rihanna.  Or Beyonce.  Or Lady Gaga.  On second thought, cut the Lady Gaga sex tape.  Gay rumors kill careers.

Seventh, I need to grow about 6 inches taller and change my last name to something that ends in -ozzi, -sito, or -uno.

And finally, I need to wake up every morning and convince myself that the world is a better place when we hold up idiots on pedestals.


  1. What class did she speak to? and what about?

    Maybe after she left the Prof stood up and said: don't be like her! (I doubt that though. Either way she just made a bunch of money!)

  2. The shooting on Richmond this week probably helped UWO's party ranking.

    p.s. I think you have a man crush on Eriq La Salle.

  3. I think she said something about working hard but partying harder. Who knows. Whatever it was I don't think it was worth $32,000.

    Eriq La Salle was in ER. Enough said.