***Foul Language and Rant Alert***
I'm no rocket scientist, but after watching some of the AMAs this past weekend, I've realized that Kanye West was right; Taylor Swift is a huge fraud. She's that girl your mother warns you about.
Common folks, are you really buying this "I'm too cute for life" bullshit? My girl is a ho. A straight late 1990s video ho from BET's Uncut. The kind of skeezer that would cheat on you with your father. And grandfather.
Shit, my girl has a wiki specifically listing off all her boyfriends. Man, she's dated a gay dude - Jake Gyllenhaal, a racist and herpes carrier - John Mayer (who also dated Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Love Hewitt, and Cameron Diaz - manwhore, anyone?), a pre-pubescent wolfboy - Taylor Lautner, a Jonas brother, and finally showed her true Marilyn Monroe homewrecker-self and dated a Kennedy.
She's 22 and she's racked up a list of exes that Britney "legs like a porch door" Spears would be proud of. I lie, I put her in Kim Kardashian territory. But at least Kim marries her men.
My issue is is that all her material comes from these breakups. All of it. All her hit songs. So either she's a ho, or a fraud. You pick your poison, Miss Swift.
I say Taylor steps up to the plate and starts dating some real men and see what kind of songs she writes.
Here are some title tracks for her new loves:
Rick Ross: "Baby, I'm Lost (in your bellybutton) Without You"
Brad Pitt: "I Hope Angie Doesn't Find Out"
Tim Tebow: "I Took Yours Like Mayer Took Mine"
Eddie Murphy: "Rob This Cradle"
Rihanna: "Love is Colour-Blind"
(Rihanna ain't a man, but hey, Taylor Swift is probably a lesbian. Why? Romney says so.)
And after doing some investigative work, I found the real lyrics to her song, "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together".
Here it is:
I remember when I dumped you the first time
Saying this is it, I wrote my song, 'cause like
That I've been working on for a month
When I, said I, was just using you, what?
Then you come around again and say
Baby, I miss you and I swear I'm gonna change
Trust me, I'm just trying to win another Grammy some day
I say, I hate you, we break up, you call me, I hang up
Oooh my publicist called it off again last night
But Oooh, this time I'm telling you, I'm telling you
I never ever ever liked you to being with
I only only only wanted to make you look stupid
You go talk to TMZ talk
To Oprah talk to me
You will never ever ever win this, cause I'm Taylor Swift