Saturday, June 30, 2012

Mario Balotelli New Suspect In Little Italy Murder

This just in (June 30th, 2012, 12:00pm EST):

Toronto Police Chief Bill Blair has just confirmed that they have made a mistake in arresting Dean Wiwchar in the murder of John Raposo in Toronto during an Italy-Ireland Euro Cup match, June 18th, 2012.


"We have made a regrettable mistake in arresting Mr. Wiwchar in a crime that he clearly did not commit.  Right now we have serious leads that it is a Mr. Balotelli who committed the murder."

Even though about one hundred witnesses on the patio say that it was a White man who shot Raposo, and millions of people around the world - and visual evidence - have credited Balotelli with an ironclad alibi that he was playing in a soccer match in a different continent at the time of the shooting, Blair and the police force say they have "evidence" that links Balotelli to the murder.


"Let's look at the facts:  It was a mob-style murder in Little Italy, clearly committed by an Italian.  When was the last time you heard of an Italian with the last name 'Wiwchar'?"

"In our city, gun crime is urban crime, which is Black crime.  We were thrown for a loop initially because the last time a Black man was so close to an Italian was Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed before the Soviet man-robot killed him in Rocky IV in 1985."

"Then Mayor Rob Ford hinted that we need to get back to our tried, tested, and true mandate that only Black people carry guns and bullets and kill people in public places like what happened at the Eaton Centre."

"And since Mr. Balotelli is the only Black Italian any of us in the Force have ever heard of, we've concluded that he must be the murderer."

Balotelli and his lawyers have professed his innocence.  But in a surprise move Italian authorities have agreed to a Canadian extradition order after Balotelli plays in the Euro Cup final. 

Italian officials commented:

"He's Italian when he plays and wins for the Azzurri.  He's a Black Ghanaian immigrant murderer the rest of the time.  We've always suspected it and now we have proof."

The Ghanaian Black Stars have petitioned the UN that they send Balotelli back to his homeland on refugee claims. 

In light of cuts to refugee healthcare in Canada, the country's Immigration Minister, Jason Kenney, doesn't want to have to fit the psychiatric bill for what he called on Twitter, an "unstable yellow mohawked Nintendo character".

Kenney on Twitter:

"Send him back to Africa where he belongs.  I've already got too many damn refugees and immigrants to deal with already."

Friday, June 29, 2012

Did You Know...

...Sub-Saharan African - Black people - only make up .54% of Italy's population, but its most (in)famous, and best, player at the Euro Cup is Black?  Power to Super Mario!

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Catholic School = Giant Hypocritical Orgy?

This is not a rant, nor is it fact based.  This is just a thought (yes, the blog is called "Christopher's Thoughts").  So keep that in mind before I get nailed to the Cross and called Judas.

I went to a Catholic high school graduation here in Mississauga yesterday (the name of the school shall remain nameless).  First, I was impressed because they had the graduation in a sports arena - the biggest in Mississauga.  I thought to myself: "shit man, it's gotta be nice to have that Catholic school money".  My high school graduation was in a banquet hall that was a stone throw away from a stinky power plant.

Then came my first shock:

The "Jesus" talk.

Ya, I expected a prayer and all that jazz, cool.  I still had to remember where I was.  Then my issue came from when the principal and the school trustee (with the area's MP and MPP in the audience I might add), started preaching - literally - of the virtues of a Catholic education and being a good Catholic and how Catholic's shit don't stink, blah blah blah.

I have a couple issues with that.

First, I'm all about freedom of religion, but in a country like Canada, I don't believe in someone saying "my way is better than your way, because my God says so".  Cut that shit out, people.  If you want to say Catholic education is better because we have more qualified teachers or better facilities, great.  Imagine if that was an Islamic school graduation and someone started preaching that a Muslim education is better than a private, public, Catholic, agnostic, or alien one, because "Allah said so", people (especially publicly elected officials) would walk out and scream terrorism.

Or they'd prolly say that we let in too many "Brown" people and should round them up and send them to Cuba.

My second issue is if you're trying to convince a non-believer that your school/education system/the-way-you-pray-on-a-Sunday is better than the rest of us Protestants/non-pork eaters/heathens, you better make sure your students reflect this "order" you preached.

I saw multiple kids (yes, they are kids, but most of them look like grown ass adults) do back flips and dance on the stage after they got their diplomas.  Shit, one guy even got booed by half the student body.  Who boos at a graduation???

I'm not even going to touch on the way they were dressed.  I have a feeling that about 20 babies were immaculately concepted during the ceremony.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Spartan Race 2012 - Toronto

Actually it was in Oro-Medonte - a place that's easier to find on Facebook than it is to find in real life.

Here are some photos from the event today.  Enjoy!


An event for all ages.  And all you need is your underwear (that dude is probably more fit than most 30 year olds.  Update: I've been informed that "the dude" is probably Martin from Crossfit in Burlington).

If you can't duct it...

Dog would've beat everyone

Dress up as a woman if you'd like.

Yes, that's an ambulance on the course.

Loving it.


I gotta thank CST for all these photos.  This sequence is my favourite.

Form is a little off, but that's fire.

Zoom in on my temple.  This is right near the end.

You wouldn't think I just ran through 7kms of fire, mud, and barbed wire.


I'm now offering obstacle course specific training for anyone interested in competing in Spartan Race, Tough Mudder, or Warrior Dash, or just feel like trying something out of the ordinary.

Follow @CStuartTaylor
And check out Jump on the Box

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Sigur Ros - Fjogur Piano

I'm missing a whole bunch of accents, but I doubt many anglophones would be able to pronounce it properly anyways.

This video is, um, interesting.  And ya, that Mr. Transformers, Shia LaBeouf.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Congrats LeBron (and the Miami Heat)

I'm happy that Miami won, but I'm even happier that LeBron did.  He's got to arguably be one of the classiest guys in the NBA (AND he's marrying his baby mama) and deserved the win.  Not a lot of grown men can go on TV and admit their faults and insecurities and say that they were immature before this season.

Class act, LeBron. 

How about them Browns, Cleveland?

Oh, and we as Canadians can hate on Chris Bosh all we want, but there was no way in hell he was going to ever win a championship in Toronto.  Let's move on and get over it.  In any case, I hear he's retiring and starring in Jurassic Park on Broadway.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

National Aboriginal Day and Canadian Citizenship

How many Canadians knew today was National Aboriginal Day?  Considering it wasn't front and centre on one of Canada's largest and most read newspapers - The Toronto Star - I can't blame you.  Read more here.

I think today should be as important as Canada Day, considering if you're not native to this country (and no, even if you're a direct descendent of Champlain, you are not native to Canada) you need to pay respect to the people that let us immigrate and settle their lands.

So, from me, and everyone at Christopher's Thoughts (yes, I do have many people that help me out with content, ideas, and links for this blog), I say thank you to all of Canada's Aboriginal peoples.

Thank you.

I attended a Citizenship Ceremony this morning in Mississauga and was asked by the Institute for Canadian Citizenship to host a round table discussion with a group of individuals being sworn in as Canadian citizens that morning.

It was my first time attending a Citizenship Ceremony and I'll say it was a great experience.  I think born Canadians take it for granted the logistics and privileges of what it means to be Canadian (I'm not talking about drinking beer and watching hockey), but it really hits home (for me at least) to see the joy in someone's face when they get that certificate and talk about their experience.

Leaving out discrimination and racism and a new language for some, it's not easy for immigrants and new Canadians.  It's an uphill battle and we oftentimes look down on those taxi drivers or convenience store workers that are struggling with multiple jobs just to make ends meet for themselves and most importantly their children.  And this all the while being appreciative of the opportunity of being in Canada and having the chance to work hard to meet their goals and dreams.


And I've never sworn allegiance to this country (and the Queen), so I did today.  And I sang the Canadian anthem with pride and in my best early-morning Drake voice when the time came.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Justin Bieber - Maria (Billie Jean, 2012)

I know I hate on the Biebs quite a bit (but I am a fan), but I had a chance to check out his album and it ain't half bad.  But then I listened to "Maria" and realized he wrote it as a slight to my blog post.

Then I listened to it again and realized that it's Billie Jean for 2012.

Take a listen for yourself:

And hate all you want, but if you're Canadian (better yet, if you live along the 401 corridor), you gotta stand up for "Right Here" ft. Drake.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

2012 Ugly Man Competition

Meet William Masvinu, Mr. Ugly Zimbabwe, 2012.

My first thought was: "how did William 'Goat Gruff' Masvinu beat out the black Gollum??"

But I think Chris Bosh wins for Mr. Ugly Hybrid Extinct Species, 2012

(Dis)honourable mention goes out to Sam Cassell

Monday, June 18, 2012

Why (some) Soccer (football) (fans) Suck

It's 2012 and you've got Croatians making monkey chants at Italians?  Seriously?  Anyone in that country remember 1991?

In other news: they've got Negro Black Italians??

Sunday, June 17, 2012

The Chronicles of Queen Rhodesia: June 1st, 2012 - Doggie Style Prostitution

DogMan finally bought me that iPad I asked for about 10 dog years ago.  I wanted a laptop, then I realized it would be kinda hard to type considering I don't have any bionic thumps (thanks again, DogMan), so the touch screen was the way to go.

I did a little bit of googling.  Took a nap.  Googled some more.  Sniffed my privates.  Googled some more.  Licked my privates.  And then googled some more.  After all that, outside of playing Angry Birds, I realized the internet is just one giant human porno shop.

Then when I thought all hope was lost, I stumbled on a Doggie Dating site.

At first I thought it was pretty cool.  Even without a uterus, I would still get a chance to get wined and dined by some of the neighbourhood dog eunuchs.   At least I wouldn't have to worry about giving it up on the first date.

Then I thought, wait a second, who is controlling the site?  I'm not the one putting up my profile.  It would be DogMan!  I know prostitution is legal, but still, this is pretty well sex slavery.  At least prostitutes get paid some kind of money, I just get the same damn stale-ass kibble day in and day out.  Does that seem fair to you?

Does it seem fair that humans are selling off their dogs for money?  When's the last time I asked DogMan for a friend?  When's the last time I said "hey DogMan, I'm a bitch, and I'd really like you to find me a partner that can reaffirm my bitch status.  Well really, I'm only half a bitch, cause you ripped out my uterus so you can hear me tell you this"?

To make it worse, you're gonna put that photo up of me that I absolutely hate.  You know the one I'm talking about, DogMan.  The one where you've got me salivating for a damn french fry that you've taped to the top of my head and that I couldn't shake off to eat for nothing.  BASTARD.

Don't worry, now that I have my iPad, I'm gonna start taking photos of you when you're shaving your legs and post them all over my new twitter account.  Tweet that, DogMan.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Free Personal Training (Jumping Back on the Box)

Yes, that's right, free.  I'm offering free personal training sessions to anyone who really wants to get fit, have fun, or just wants someone to scream at them mercilessly without having to pay 200 dollars a month at some high-priced gym that makes them feel like a dog that just peed in the house.

What's the catch?

I don't want your money.  I just want people who are dedicated and seriously committed to living a healthy lifestyle.  Sounds pretty easy, right?  In my experience as a certified personal trainer and track coach, I've found that a lot of people want the results without the work.  They'd rather pay an arm and a leg for a quick fix, but are reluctant to have someone help them for free.

So I'm willing to be that someone.

You could be a beginner, 300 pounds, 10 or 85 years old, it doesn't matter to me.  If you live anywhere in the Greater Toronto Area or London (Ontario) or anywhere where there's an internet connection (I'll also offer online/Skype sessions if requested), let's get started.

And I'm also offering training sessions for people with dogs.  Your dog needs that hour of exercise a day and I know you can't take him with you to GoodLife to run on the treadmill, so bring Fido or Fluffy for some dog and human oriented fitness sessions.

For more information and to contact me check out and follow:

Jump on the Box!

Monday, June 11, 2012

Chris Brown is Gay

And so is Bow Wow and the whole of B2K.  I guess that kind of makes sense with the whole Rihanna scandal considering she seems to like women and both of their careers skyrocketed after.

I really don't care if he's gay or if he's a eunuch.  But when you start pulling in accusations of child molestation - true or false - you gotta at least hear the dude out.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

How the Olympics Polices Sex

People like to use the term "policing femininity" or "gender tests", but really, if you're doing scientific tests to figure out whether a "woman" is a "woman" and giving her drugs so that she's less a "man", isn't that stepping into the boundaries of the science of human sexuality as opposed to socially constructed norms of "gender"?

Why isn't there a bigger outcry to what these women are subject to on the world's most - supposedly - equitable stage?

Check this story out.  

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Django Unchained - Trailer

Almost a year ago I broke news of the possibility of the Django Unchained movie.  After I made a few calls to Tarantino and Foxx, I got the ball rolling and can't wait til it comes out.  Here's the trailer.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Tanning Beds - ***RANT ALERT***

This is only a quick rant.  Why?  Because I think this is a stupid issue not worth more than a few lines.  I say we not only ban tanning bed use for anyone under the age of 18, but I also think we shouldn't let them go outside between the hours of 8am to 9pm from May to October.

Seriously.  We've got people chopping off heads in Germany; got cannibals sending body parts to schools and getting caught googling themselves in Germany (what's up with Germany lately?); got face eating zombies high on epsom salts; and we're most worried about creating a new race of oompa loompas.

On second thought, maybe it is a good idea.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Since When Was B.o.B an Olympian?

Well he isn't, but his British doppelganger, Mo Farah, is.  You'll be hearing a lot about him (and Jessica Ennis) in July/August when the 2012 London Olympics roll around.

Mo Farah


Sunday, June 3, 2012

No Church In The Wild (or Toronto #EatonCentre)

I'm not sure about the elephant, but it's a good video.

I'm going to save my thoughts about the Eaton Centre shooting for another day.  From one of the descriptions of the shooter (20-40 Black male, short dreads), I'm pretty well a suspect, so I'm gonna lie low for a while.

Next thing you know there's going to be an anti-Black pogrom in Canada.  Think about it: you can't even fly on a plane with a tube of toothpaste or you get harassed if you're two shades darker than Snow White, what do you think they're gonna do - I should say, continue doing - to Black people in Toronto? 

Enjoy the video.

Friday, June 1, 2012